Yeah, Tech Support? I'm having a problem with my Smell-brand computer and need a bit of help here. This fucker's acting up like a troubled child on crack.
Mammed Udi
Hello. What seems to be the trouble?
Foamy
Well, it seems in my tinkering I went into the DOS program and it changed a 1 to a 0. Now it won't even start up. What do I do oh Guru-of-Computer-Wisdom?
Mammed Udi
Have you tried restarting your computer?
Foamy
Yes. And it doesn't restart.
Mammed Udi
Is your computer plugged in? That is very much common mistake.
Foamy
Wha-What kind of fuckin stupid question is that? Yes. It's plugged in. Don't. Jerk me around. This fuckin operating system is as unstable as Charles Manson and I. NEED. HELP.
Mammed Udi
Is your monitor on? Another mistake.
Foamy
Dumbass. It doesn't. Start. Up.
Mammed Udi
What is your operating system, the system that you are operating?
Foamy
It's one of those Whine-dows operating systems, y'know?
Mammed Udi
Very good. Do you like the ice cream?
Foamy
Wha..what?
Mammed Udi
DO YOU LIKE ICE CREAM?!
Foamy
What the? HELP ME! STOP ASKING DUMB QUESTIONS AND TELL ME WHAT TO DO!......HELLO?......HELLO!?!
Mammed Udi
I will help, yes. Here is what you do: You hold down the following keys: W...F...the number 2..the spacebar..while typing out "Ganesha is great" and tapping on the escape key for 20 minutes.
Foamy
...*flips them off*
Mammed Udi
So how's the weather there?
Foamy
Oh geez..here we go. Fine.
Mammed Udi
It is hot here. Like a cow on fire.
Foamy
Oh yeah? Where are you, Florida or California?
Mammed Udi
I'm in India.
Foamy
India? Wait..do you mean, like, Indiana?
Mammed Udi
No, India.
Foamy
Wait a second. You're in INDIA?
Mammed Udi
I just said that!
Foamy
What the fuck?! Why am I talking to someone in India about my computer that was made in Japan and bought in America?
Mammed Udi
The Smell computer company has moved their tech support headquarters to India because it be cheaper.
Foamy
Nice, great. Well, why the fuck am I paying for first-rate tech support from a 3rd-world country?
Mammed Udi
You American bastards are only paying me $20 a week.
Foamy
$20 a week? Damn. You're getting ripped off, dude. Tech support here gets that an hour.
Mammed Udi
My god, you're all bastards!
Foamy
Hey. We're discussing my computer here. Not your slave wages. Pay attention. FOCUS.
Mammed Udi
Oh, very sorry. How is your computer today?
Foamy
Broken, jackass. Broken. Wait- Can I ask you a question? Why if I just boot the computer up through the installer disk and have it rewrite the file I messed with?
Mammed Udi
Yes, I guess you could do that.
Foamy
Oh yeah, great. You've been a big fucking help.
Mammed Udi
Thank you for using Smell Computer Tech Support. Please tell your friends.
Foamy
Damn foreign outsourcing!
Foamy
Keep the jobs in the U.S. so I can understand who I'm talking to. You fucking bastards.
